(recycled and updated from a years old post)

All distributors have their big tastings around this time as a pre-funk for the holiday season. As a buyer, you usually only have time to taste some of what’s on display. But you have to make that time, if you want to stay up on wine and not get stuck in a rut. It’s hard, but it’s the job. This year, I get to taste what I want because I work for myself and I hand pick my clients. I don’t have to get back to any shop, or pander to wine tourists, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to dilly dally.

When I was a buyer, I hated coming to tastings on my days off. I remembered why: I can’t stand buyers, half of them anyway–half of that half are always sour and the other half of that half? Zzzzzzz… Tastings can be a chore. You’d think some buyers have no life and can just stand around all day like a tourist shuffling through the market at 5 feet per hour. Now you see some younger faces, which is great, and hopefully it’s early enough to train them.

A few of my pet peeves regarding tastERs and tastEEs:

• Block the spit bucket long enough and I will go for a three pointer. See, some of us don’t swallow all the wine. We like our livers, we drove, or we have to go back to work. So we spit. So move your ass.
• Move! God #$%@^ing dammit. and Secondly, don’t hog the pourer. I will elbow you. Stand to the side if you want to dominate the conversation. Just let me taste the freakin wine! Get your taste and step back from the table to allow others (gasp! what a concept!) a chance.
• Learn to talk AND pour. Hey pourer, I don’t have time to wait for you to finish your conversation with grocery dude. Be professional, make like a bartender, and tend to all the people in front of you. I took time to come here, don’t make me wait. This happens so frequently you wouldn’t believe it.
• Say it with tech sheets. Don’t parrot the exact percentages of your blend to me. I don’t care. It means nothing. I’m not listening. I won’t remember. “Merlot dominated” or “blended with Grenache” is fine, thank you. Have a tech sheet for me to take away. Yes, Washington winemakers I’m talking to you.
• Mind the buckets. Please, for the love of pink eye, have someone stay on top of the spit buckets. I’m there to taste, not kabitz. I spit everything, and a more than 1/4 full spit bucket is disgusting. Chances are you’re paying for a space, so buck up for a busser or something.
• We all know things. That’s why we’re here. I came to listen to the winemaker, not you Horschack. I’m not impressed that you’ve studied your map of France, we all know wine. Hey! That’s why we were invited. Some of these people presenting wines flew a long way to be here. Shut up and let them talk.
• Just tasting the “big” wine on the table is classless. I know it is rare to be able to taste some winery’s limited release single vineyard Cabernet. But instead of walking up to the table and grunting for it, try one of their other wines first. It’s a courtesy. You’ll be lucky if you’re allocated 3 bottles anyway, jackass.
• Give your customer a little credit. This is what bothers me most of all. Have an agenda as a buyer, but you owe it to your customers to make room to try something(s) new and/or different. This kinda goes along with my don’t cherry pick the table rant.

Ah, I feel better. Well, if you’re ever in my way or committing one of my peeves–you’ll know it. Cuz I’ll let you know it. Most Seattleites wouldn’t last ten minutes at a Chicago industry wine tasting. It’s kinda like driving–lead, follow, or get out of the way. So next time you give me a dirty look for nudging you away from the spit bucket, give some credit for not going with my first impulse. Geesh, or my second, or my third….