(or Lo! Checkith Thyself Before Thy Wreckith Thyself)

There’s something about all you can eat shrimp or an open bar that just brings out the very worst in people. White trash or rich man–they have the potential to make everyone look ridiculous. Seriously, I’ve passed appetizers in 5-star hotels where I feared starving socialites in $8000 dresses might start gnawing on my arm if the cold shrimp ran out. I’ve heard “Don’t go anywhere,” then had to stand aghast as heads of billion dollar companies binged on shrimp after shrimp, sloshing cocktail sauce everywhere–like they were homeless people. No, that’s not fair. Homeless people have more tact and are gracious.

An open bar is kinda like that. You think because its free, you should have as much as you can while you can. No. Really, you shouldn’t. You’re not “going to the chair,” as a friend always says. It’s just one night of your life for fuck’s sake.

Open Bar Etiquette
in this issue of Seattle Weekly

Learn it, love it, know it. And don’t make other people take responsibility for your drunk ass.