What other product do you pay 300% mark-up for, just so they can open it for you? What’s the insentive for me not to bring my own and pay $15?

Coffee has a HUGE mark-up, but at least someone’s brewing or pulling the shot for you. There’s a process. And we’re only talking a few dollars. $3 to enjoy a hot beverage and a table in a cozy cafe for an hour or so.

What’s the process with wine? What’s the pay off? People in the industry will condescend to tell you that you’re paying for the selection and storage of the wine, as well as the glassware and service, and pairing with the food. I’ve been in this business forever, and even I think that answer is complete bullshit.

Let’s attack these pitiful justifications one by one. I don’t expect a surcharge for Velleroy Bach plates at Spago and I don’t expect to pay for some danger prone server that can’t be trusted with the Reidel. Service: sooo…if I don’t need much and I go pick up my dinner from the line when they call my name, could I pay less for my entree? If I chose a bottle that needs decanting, is that reflected in the price? Storage: a wine cellar is part of a good restaurant, just like a refrigerator or stove or cave for aging cheeses. I’m not paying rent on your cellar. Selection: am I paying extra for the chef’s inventive combinations? Maybe. But again, there’s a process, cooking, assembly, preperation. I have no problem paying 28$ for an amazingly clever entree.

Other  charges: they charge you appreciation–older bottles that they’ve aged, wines that just got a good rating, wines of which they can only get a case or two. And they get away with it because there is always some nouveau riche asshole on an expense account willing to pay.

  BOTTOM LINE: If you’re wine list is good enough, you don’t need a sommelier. There I said it. And you, as a customer, don’t need to amortize their salary through 300 and 400% markups. Every waiter should be proficient in wine selection. It makes the customer more comfortable and the restaurant more profitable. Who selects the wine, then? The manager(s) and bartenders, servers. Hire people with appropriate skills.  I’ve seen many a waiter or bartender that would love to participate in wine selection, only to be frozen out by a territorial, insecure sommelier.

And the truth is, restaurants would sell more wine if they lowered prices. If they didn’t have such a hard on for those soda jerk-like cocktail menus,  they’d move more wine, faster, and make the same, if not more at the end of the day.

Who am I to say? Nobody. Just someone who spent over 17 years behind bars, in cellars, at tables, and behind the line.