Bill Gates finally got Warren Buffet’s money. I always thought Mr. Buffet was a Scrooge, but I guess he’s making up for it big time. I think my opinion of Buffet stems from one of his employees. Funny story, kinda related, that illustrates the exasperation that can be the rich:

I used to sell wine to one of his assistants. Alleged assistants, not like this guy had a corporate card or anything. He was one of those ass clowns that only wanted the rated goods. Usually two months too late, since it took him so long to read his Spewlator. Then I’d have to repackage all the wine he bought and deliver it to a waiting helicopter. (He worked out of Victoria, B.C. What the fuck is Warren Buffet doing in Victoria? Exactly.)

But get this, we did it this way so he didn’t have to pay duty. You heard me right. Duty. But a helicopter ride? Oh, he’d spring for that. Yeah, sure, you betcha.

I knew it wouldn’t be long before he asked me to ferret other things up to America Jr. for him. Call it my douchebag-dar. So one day, he drops it on me. He wants me to start buying white truffles for him and zipping them across the border USPS or in my car. Because he doesn’t want to pay…? That’s right, duty. But 2000$ a pound USD for Italian fungus is A-O.K. Ergo my ass clown analysis. And what if the truffles get pinched, I thought? Whoa, whoa, whoa…what If I get pinched? Was he going to want his money back? Of course. Was he going to pay my bail? Of course, NOT. I’d be S.O.L. times 2.

He was the only customer to whom I ever said, “I will not sell to you anymore.” After he tried to peer pressure me with a pathetic, “I thought you were cool,” and “Aw, come on, you don’t want money?” Not yours, slim shady. I don’t even think he worked for Warren Buffet, really. And if he does, well Warren–that’s at least one shitty investment you’ve made.

Anyways, we all have our limits. I guess I draw the line at truffle smuggling. That’s not a moniker I ever want, right?