I don’t spend any money at the department store cosmetic counters. That’s for the terminally insecure. As you can probably guess, I think it’s mostly a bunch of overpriced shite in fancy packaging that’s the same stuff you can get in Walgreen’s. (It’s true, actually. There are 10 or 20 palette houses in Korea and China where most cosmetic companies order “brandless” pans of shadow and blusher to be inserted into their own packaging. Look it up.)

But I do spend money where it counts: $8 a bar on my favorite Japanese charcoal soap that makes your face feel like a newborn’s pillowy butt, Copious amounts on handmade Lush bath bombs, soaps and face scrubs, $70/lb on whole leaf tea, $20 for a jar of truffle salt. I don’t mind spending the money.

I just want to know I’m getting something for it, a lot of something other than a stupid little shopping bag with some trendy store name on it.

So when I tell you about this amazing toothpaste, don’t roll your eyes at me. I hate minty toothpaste, and the evil giant companies like Proctor & Gable from which they spring. But I haven’t found a Tom’s of Maine toothpaste that I like except the kiddie silly strawberry. My brother got me a few tubes of Breath Palette for the holidays, and I’m hooked. With one more flavor than Baskin Robbins, you could brush with a different flavor each day of the week.

So far I’ve tried 8-Honey, 9-Kiwi Fruit, and 11-Plum. Each flavor had a more natural (i.e. less Jelly Belly) quality to the flavoring. Honey leaves a low, buttery note in your mouth with a teeny bit of uplifting mint at the end. Kiwi has an immediate tang that hits your tongue, just like the fruit, and a real green, limey quality, again with a bit of mint on the end, made me think of a cocktail. And plum was the most interesting of all. Plums have a natural tannin to their skins that really add to the experience of eating one. Take that away, like here, and you have a soft, cooling sweet fruit, that’s hard to place.

They are about $5 each for a small tube. But if you use the appropriate pea-sized amount, instead of the gigormous globs you see in toothpaste commercials, and get a few flavors…..it should last you a while. These pastes don’t have sugar, alcohol, or agressive scouring “agents.” I can’t wait to try 29-Grapfruit, 21-Darjeeling tea, and 4-Fresh Yogurt.

What does this have to do with wine? Many people in the wine business end up with horrible teeth, worse than smokers. Tannins are a bitch. But “Fresh Mint GEL!” won’t allow you to taste the salesman’s wares. These pastes might encourage more frequent brushing…..Not to mention get you to spend the full recommended 2 minutes on you toofers.

P.S. Happy Blogiversary to me!