Something’s happened to me of late… I’ve become more and more of a Chai convert. Please, don’t go! Let me explain.

It’s not like that. I’m not that way. I still don’t own a single article of fleece. I can comb through my hair easily. I hate jam bands. I hate patchouli. I…I…I just really, really like tea. Is that so wrong?

I’ve been quick to hate Chai in a box because I think it tastes like shit. Allow me to explain my position. Chai is beverage that is made with equal parts cow or soymilk and a pre-prepared mixture of black tea and exotic herbs and spices. The key word is “exotic.” Home brew and traditional recipes of Chai include most of the following: Cardamom, Black Pepper, Star Anise, Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Clove, and Ginger. The Chai should remind you of many different flavors and fragrances. The problem that I have with Chai made for market in the U.S. is that it suffers from one of three inexcusable ailments:

Too much cheap. Skimp on the cardamom and ginger, and you’re left with pepper and clove. Neither exotic or pleasant, just a tongue numbing beverage that smells like hippie cigarettes.

Too American. Chai should smell exotic, like Indian rice pudding. Chai should not smell like a goddamn pumpkin pie or Christmas mullings.

Too thin. Sometimes this can have more to do with the milk you use(or the barista screwin you on the tea, mmm hmmm), but I’m convinced this has everything to do with the black tea. Let me geek out on you: tea will/must produce enough tannin to combine with the milk and produce a heightened sensation of viscosity. Is this scientific? Only in my mouth. More on that later.

Remember, Chai implies a half and half tea mixture with milk. The only thing you should specify is hot or cold, cow or soy. The phrase “Chai tea latte” is silly, as my friend Lily (FORMER barista extraordinaire—congrats quitter!) explains. It’s like saying “tea tea the way tea is made.” Of course it’s tea, of course it will be a latte.

After experimenting with different kinds of Chai and different kinds of milk, these are my conclusions:

Firstly: Go high quality soy before non-fat cow for your Chai. Don’t like soy? The spices cover up that “soyness,” and you benefit HUGELY from its richer mouth feel. I’m still learning to love the stuff myself, and I think the best brand is Silk. Keeping in mind I was a Vitamin D whole milk girl until a year ago, I need that texture, that richness, and I can’t stand gritty (like some rice and soy beverages). And non-fat milk tastes like… well…nothing. It’s a complete waste of time to me. Doesn’t even register.

Number B: Don’t judge a Chai until you’ve made it at home. There was a serious difference, for example, in how Morning Glory Chai tasted at my house, with Silk, when measured exactly 1/2 & 1/2 and the coffeehouse version with VitaSoy. Eee-gads was there a difference. I think some baristas must space the measuring and make Chai like a double tall latte.

Garbage in, garbage out. This is pretty much my philosophy of everything. You can’t make a wine better than the grapes you done started with, and you can’t make good Chai with a poor product. It must be a liquid, concentrate or no. Chai is made by steeping the ingredients for a time in water, so powder…I don’t think so (you know who).

THE POPULAR…..

Oregon Chai, Original Organic: Eh. This is way too pumpkin pie spicy to me. A little clove goes a long way. Right? I get the ginger and the pepper, but the flavors and the aromas don’t have much complexity. It smells like incense burnt at the holidays.

Morning Glory Chai: I totally wanted to like this Chai. But my first few experiments offered a thin, watery product with way too much pepper and not much else. When I made it at home, the Silk improved the feel, but it still gave way too much pepper and not enough sweet spice.

THE BEST…..

Tazo Organic Chai: I want to hate Tazo because Starbuck’s sport their teas in the Seattle area, but I can’t. Their tea is some of the best readily available in a bag. Their new Chai reminds me of versions I’ve been served in Indian restaurants. They did their research. Layered with spices that lend a bit of heat, a lot of aroma, and layers of exotic sweetness. (www.tazo.com)

The Fragrant Leaf Organic Masala Spice Chai: What struck me most about this blend was the quality of the tea. I wouldn’t have noticed it, maybe, if I wasn’t on a complete chai bender. But it was some goooood tea. I also picked up a real deapth of flavor and aroma. It reminds me of what I get from the secret weapon that I put in my homemade chai, Chinese five spice. (www.thefragrantleaf.com)
So it’s a matter of taste, certainly. But Chai has a blueprint as well. This is about being a good example of what the damn drink’s supposed to be–richly textured with spicy exotics–not the soda-jerked, Starbuckian version of said beverage.