I know it will ruin my glutonous troff cred, but I do yoga most days. Not just any yoga, but that crazy people hot yoga. And when I’m finished… I crave salty food like nobody’s business. I’m talking family size bag of potato chips in ten minutes. So instead of going off the deep end and looking into salt licks for the backyard, I tried some homoeopathy. Here me out. Add lemon juice and a teaspoon of sea salt (gotta be from la mer) to water (none of that bottled shit, it’s useless). It does the same thing as sports drinks, replacing electrolytes without the….zzzzzzzzzzzzz….

Oh I’m sorry, sometimes I get information narcolepsy. Here’s the Cliff Notes:

Salt is composed of two electrolyes Sodium (Na+) and Chloride (Cl-). Electrolytes carry a positive or negative charge and are the little choo choo trains to electro-impulses that allow parts of our body, like nerves, muscles,and organs, to do work. Potassium, Magnesium, and Calicum are a few more examples of electrolytes.

Yeah, I bet you didn’t expect me to get all chemical n’ shit on you, huh? Well, here’s a fun fact about me: my first love is organic chemistry (laugh it up fuzzball). I wanted to be a chemical engineer and create the new frontier in psychoactive drugs. It’s true. But instead, I guess I learned to use what I had.

Any way, this was two weeks ago. And now…problem solved! And how. I wish I would have known about this trick when I was busting ass behind the bar or in the kitchen. It’s wicked refreshing and not only keeps me from filling my pie hole with transfatty, savory snacks but also regulates my hankering for caffeine and sugar. It’s my little household tip for Red Bull addled restaurant staff. I’ll work on a cure for smoking next.