Howard Shultz New Prez of National Wanker Association
Well, I’m back from Mexico. And goshdarnit if I wasn’t hit with an email campaign for a new arena for the Seattle Supersuckers NBA team while I was gone. (A team owned by Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz) So I interrupt my own travel round up….
Allow me to respond:
Dear Schultzie,
I like Key Arena, and I don’t understand why you need a new stadium. Let’s face it, you never even fill up the one you have. Is it stadium envy? Do you think because the Seahawks and Mariners got one, you should have one, too? Do you think the Seahawks are going to the Superbowl because they made us buy them a new house? (Oh, you’re welcome very much Paul Allen.)
Well, Mr. Bazillionaire…..I didn’t vote for the other stadiums, and I’m sure as hell not going to help another rich white guy subsidize his expensive toy. Maybe you should put more money into your payroll instead of a new playhouse. Maybe then you wouldn’t be floundering at .405. I mean, the sheer fucking balls, sir. A team sucking so hard, asking for stuff?
It is to your misfortune that I already don’t like you because of your McDonaldization of cafe culture. Now, sir, you have my full attention. I am throwing all of my Sicilian anger** against your request. Seattle needs things, like bridges and mass transit and infrastructure. You don’t need shit. And if you feel that you do, pay for it yo’ damn self. Oh, and you can’t tip. (Seattle waiters, can I get a witness?)
I will do all within my power to make sure you get nothing…and like it.
(me, shaking roots of grass at you)
Disrespectfully yours,
The Wine(& now anti-Schultz) Offensive
**actual weight of anger to be:
Total anger reserves - [ fight for more important things ] / my spare time.
Oh, and if you think that doesn’t sound as scary, my anger reserves got more bile than Saudis got oil.
P.S. Danny Fortson IS misunderstood.
And with that, I say good day sir.
I said good day!
January 28th, 2006 at 12:48 pm
Yes! You are correct sir! Uh, miss. Mademoiselle? Chica?
I’m sick of voting for things that Seattle needs, that get approved and don’t happen!!!!!!!! And I’m sick of voting against things Paul Allen wants and watching them happen!!!!!!!! Where do I sign? Should I make a poster? What do we do? YOu’re right, this is more than a new stadium, it’s the fucking principal of the thing. I’m sick of these rich guys getting anything they want while I fear for my life driving on the Viaduct.
January 28th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Good God yes. I’m still po’d at those stadiums each and every time I have to deal with stadium traffic (that’s why I ride my bicycle in the summer, and feel free to yell at the idiots trying to get there - very cathartic to yell “get out of my right of way I didn’t vote for the damn thing!”). Hey, and isn’t the downtown Westlake/Eastlake area going to get a v. expensive streetcar (to benefit the very rich privately owned research companies)? Has anyone wondered why this is flying through the city council while the monorail was tanked? Has anyone seen a corrolation? Why is no one questioning this?
January 28th, 2006 at 5:32 pm
Yeah, what’s up with this shit? I just moved to Seattle from Chicago. Mayor Daley would tell Schultzie to go fuck himself. Why do this rich guys get to pout?
http://www.ci.seattle.wa.us/council/councilcontact.htm
That’s the address for contacting council members. There’s a cool new member…maybe we should adopt her to the cause.
January 28th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
Government of, by, and for THE RICH, y’all. I’m angry, but it’s like my anger has become standard, this stuff all too common. I think I might have the energy to sign a petition or forward an email. But I don’t have the will to write a letter. Please don’t ask me to write a letter.
January 28th, 2006 at 8:36 pm
I don’t live in Seattle, but I hate Starbuck’s. Can I play? I’ll make the t-shirts.
January 29th, 2006 at 10:42 am
Ravi & Neighbor - You’ll bike it and like it! Apparently we all will soon enough.
Jen - SERIOUSLY, Daley don’t play that. Remember when he ex’ed those runways in the middle of the night?
Amber - Hang on, stay with us. I will write the letter. You just sign it.
Billie - How about green on yellow “Screw you Schultzie” Hmmmmm……..
January 29th, 2006 at 10:43 am
Oh, and thanks for the point, Jen!
January 29th, 2006 at 2:37 pm
Got yer Veep right here.
Larry H. Miller, owner of SLC’s Utah Jazz (another ignominious sub .500 squad). Larry happens to own about 300 businesses in the state. One of them is a theater chain, creatively named, “Megaplex.” It was scheduled to show Brokeback Mtn. The day before the film opened he was interviewed on the local NPR station and asked about the danger (ooo danger) of allowing this ‘gay’ film to run in our Konservativ community. Larry replied, “I don’t think it’s my place to act as the community censor.” Welllll, about 8 hrs later the film was yanked before the first showing. Since then, he has refused to discuss his sudden change of heart.
Thank god Larry saved us all from becoming gay. I’m sure he did it for the kids. Wanker.
January 30th, 2006 at 11:25 am
beau - yeah, that was pretty gay, what he did. I saw Brokeback Mountain. I don’t feel any gayer. Do you think it’s a latent gayness that might come on if I compounded it by other gay things?
Yeah, Larry Miller is a big time wakner, he can be V.P. He’s like the Mormon Rupert Murdoch, no?
January 30th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
BBM is playing at the arthouse theater, which I drove past yesterday. Then last night I dreamt of Cher and feather boas. I gots me some gayness. I guess I might as well go see the film tomorrow and get really gay.
Great SAT analogy: Larry Miller is to Mormons as Rupert Murdoch is to Aussies