Does it surprise you at all that I don’t do Valentine’s Day? Well, except for the day after must-sell-at-reduced-prices Valentine’s chocolates. (I’ve been known to chow on month old Santa’s, too) It’s too late for me to make any suggestions, except that you better get your ass into your favorite cholate shop by the end of Monday. New to my list is Sahagun Chocolates in Portland. (online ordering soon) Having drummed up a following at the farmers’ market, this shop’s commitment to quality is as serious as their chocolates are delicous. I dig their drinking chocolate, but it was the pepitapapas that got me. Say what?

Firstly, pepita is only like one of my top 5 favorite words. It’s what Mexicans call the “pumpkin seed.” And when I settle down enough and finally get that tea cup chihuahua for whom I’ve been knitting clothes the last 2 years, Pepita will be her name-O. Bittersweet chocolate bark, a most loving dose of chili pepper, and generous mix of pepitas within and without comes off fresh and new. The texture and crunchy smoosh (yes, a technical term) of the seeds is a spot-on combo with the thiness of the chocolate. Meticulously planned. Execution is as elegantly simple as, and maybe even prettier than, a vintage Givenchy gown.

One of the things I like to see pass with Valentine’s Day are all of the boring “wine with chocolate” articles. I’ve covered this. To me, red wine and chocolate don’t mix. You want them to, experts want them to, sometimes I want them to, but they don’t. Tannins fuck up good chocolate in my mouth. It’s as chemically simple as that. But wine doesn’t have to go with everything. By the time I get to chocolate, I’m done with wine. I like something a bit more brown and a lot more volatile. And you should too, if you’re trying to get laid on Valentine’s Day.

Top 5 Things that Just Aren’t That Into Wine: Sushi, Tacos, Chicken Wings, Chocolate, Bar-b-Que. Anybody want to add to the list, what’s your wine no-fly zone? How do you know when a food is just not that into wine? Simple, wine ENHANCES food. If it doesn’t, if the food you’re eating tastes wierd or not as good after you’ve drunk some wine, then the wine’s not doing its job. So Mr. Wine Smarty can say that Gewurztraminer goes with spicy Tom Kah Gai. But if you don’t like sweet wine or the smell of flowers, for God’s sake, have a flippin Thai iced tea or a beer. It’s OK. Mr. Wine Smarty doesn’t know everything. And he certainly doesn’t know you.

Thanks Paul, the Santa Barbara Wine Guy for a line on this Anti-Valentine site!

Non-Sequitor P.S.: Am I the only one creeped out by Diet Pepsi’s new “brown and bubbly” slogan? They paid someone a LOT of money for that. A LOT of money. It sounds like British slang for…
….never mind.

Just que the drag queens…

….and the Tom Jones music…

Dah d-duh, dah d-duh, dah d-duh, dah d-duh
It’s not unusual….