Lies, and the Corporate Wine Hos Who Sell Them
Happy All Hallow’s Eve.
So, this post requires a little go-see to the dark and scary website of Constellations Brands Overlords, Inc. (Suite 1000, 7th level of hell).
The PDF in question: Project Genome Segment Overview - They have identified the six key premium wine consumer segments. I shit you not. This is all real. Don’t get excited/intimidated by the word “premium.” In this study it is defined by any bottle over $5, which is every bottle or jug on the market except Two Buck Chuck.
I could not possibly come up with a one page document that more succinctly illustrates everything that is wrong/gross/hatable/embarassing about the wine business.
Do you see yourself in any of their “target” consumers?
Nor do I.
Do you notice every category has a positive spin?
Like a Ronco infommercial…
Do you know how I know this is bogus?
Many people who drink wine hate to buy the stuff. Anyone in the trenches can tell you that.
Look at the “Overwhelmed” category. 23% of the people who are overwhelmed with choice DO NOT call for help. I’d say 30% of the overwhelmed call for help. The other 70% have to be gently approached, like a deer in the woods–afraid of a con or hard sell. Half of these people though, may be overwhelmed but still don’t want help–they end up buying beer, the same old same old bottle of wine, or just leaving frustrated. Why? They aren’t just overwhelmed. They are annoyed. And I don’t blame them.
You can pre-determine the outcome of any poll. You learn that in Social Statistics 201. This study smacks of justifying a pre-existing marketing strategy. Just more wine cannabalism. A way for Constellation Brands to steal some customers from Brown-Forman or Foster’s. Translation: this study is not about better serving the customer; it’s about getting them to switch from McDonald’s to Burger King.
Exhibit A: “Consumers werescreened based upon a list of brands rather than actual price points since we know consumers aren’t good at recalling what they’ve paid for wine.”
How do “they” know? Must’ve been another study.
You want a study? I’ll give you a study. Gimme 3 weeks.
Please, Randall Grahm, if you or any one who knows you is reading this. I long for your snarky spoof of corporate monster B’s project genome. And I still have your copy of Vinferno on my desk.
October 31st, 2005 at 5:41 pm
nice! i wondered what fun you would have with this.
November 1st, 2005 at 2:35 am
LoL! it’s funny ’cause it’s true.
genius. keep it up.
November 1st, 2005 at 8:26 am
You know, some of us who enjoy drinking wine can do so without sporting a pair of Depends.
Why Maggie? Why are Baby Boomers so gross? Why do they think wine belongs to them like it’s something they’ve earned, like a 700 series or 401K? They want to feel like it’s “their thing.” You know they were all drinking Turning Leaf 5 years ago!
November 1st, 2005 at 11:30 am
Hey! Not all of us Boomers live life like an L.L. Bean catalog. As a member of the group, I’d have to say it is a reaction to the cocktail culture of our parents. And yes, we were all drinking “jug” wine on ice 10 years ago. And yes, most of us had to read a magazine to know what was good. And yes, some people never moved beyond that point. But some of us did and are confident in our own tastes and don’t buy into the hype, either. Attack the status quo, not the consumer young man.
November 1st, 2005 at 4:21 pm
Wine at Target, Wine shops have loyal followings. Quotes like “I just found a pretty good wine for $3!” or “Man this 2001 Flaccianello Della Pieve is a steal at $125 a bottle!!!! All true and all reality. I am seeing more of a mix of savy and snobby meeting in the middle ground these days. Great site by the way, I am in the biz and find your attitude refreshing with a twist of cynicism. We should do a study.
November 1st, 2005 at 11:02 pm
Excuse me, I just met a nice girl named Alice and followed her down a rabbit hole. Seriously, I’m so glad that “retailers, winemakers and consumers are being brought together.” I’ve heard that Bob Mondovi throws a mean barbeque and I can’t wait to turn him on to my pineapple salsa recipie.
November 10th, 2005 at 5:10 pm
Billie - If I could only answer that question.
Milly - You’re right, it’s not polite to generalize, but c’mon! Sometimes Boomers make too easy a target.
Big E - Thanks! De-snob it yes. Dumb it down, no.
JM - Are you in the rabbit hole, right now? Yeah, didn’t you know it was all one big happy family? I didn’t get that memo either.