France v. Italy in the World Cup
I thought this was going to be a premature postulation the way Portugal fought it yesterday, but it’s France versus Italy for the World Cup this year. This one’s gonna be a dog fight.
Here are the match ups:
Pinot Noir v. Nebbiolo
Pinot is pretty, but you know Nebbiolo is my bitch goddess.
Baguette v. Grissini
You can spread stuff on a baguette, like butter, and eat it hot. The loaf has it.
Ligne Roset v. B & B Italia
Pillow-n-duvets DO NOT furniture make. B&B sexy leather and chrome, si.
Napoleans v. Tiramisu
Snap! 2 points for Italy, the Napolean is just a reinvention of the Napolitano dessert, mille foglie. Plus, tiramisu is a hot mess.
Dior v. Prada
Galliano is stuck in the 80’s, Miuccia’s wierd style rules
French Riviera v. Amalfi Coast
The reverse Sophie’s Choice. Where hasn’t Paris Hilton’s skank been? The A.C. it is.
Aubade v. La Perla
Please, have you ever seen a La Perla ad? Grrrrrr
Bardot v. Loren
No contest. Sophia Loren, age 71, posed for this year’s Pirelli calendar
Kir Royale v. Bellini
Damn, I hate peaches. France’s creme de cassis and bubbles wins.
1969 Citroen DS20 Decouvrable v. 1970 Bertone Stratos O
The Citroen looks like it purrs and the Bertone? I want to feed it my garbage and go back in time to meet James Coburn.
Paris v. Rome
Le Tour Eiffel, le Metro, extensive history of miscreant ex-pats, Paris is it. And cuz Rome isn’t even my favorite city in Italy.
Gerard Depardieu v. Roberto Benigni
Gerard is way cooler (not counting his American flicks) and Benigni is one of the most annoying men on the planet.
Sauternes v. Vin Santo
Next to the infinitely varied nutty, baked, figgy freak that is vin santo, Sauternes has always been a one trick pony to me.
Frangipane v. Marzipan
One time? I ate so many Sicilian marzipan fruit I made myself sick. But frangipane is usually warm and surrounded by puff pastry…winner!
Salad Nicoise v. Ensalata Caprese
Mozz, basil, and tomato is my holy troika. Plus, the Nicoise doesn’t even have cheese.
Jambon v. Prosciutto
Pig is good. But cured pig is reeeeeeal good. Since Prosciutto is usually more cured than Jambon, it must be gooder.
Café Pressé v. Capuccino
The french can cook. But they can’t brew for shit, mmm, Kay?
Based on this play by play, Italy wins 11 to 6. Well, probably more like 3-0.
Pinot is pretty, but you know Nebbiolo is my bitch goddess.
Baguette v. Grissini
You can spread stuff on a baguette, like butter, and eat it hot. The loaf has it.
Ligne Roset v. B & B Italia
Pillow-n-duvets DO NOT furniture make. B&B sexy leather and chrome, si.
Napoleans v. Tiramisu
Snap! 2 points for Italy, the Napolean is just a reinvention of the Napolitano dessert, mille foglie. Plus, tiramisu is a hot mess.
Dior v. Prada
Galliano is stuck in the 80’s, Miuccia’s wierd style rules
French Riviera v. Amalfi Coast
The reverse Sophie’s Choice. Where hasn’t Paris Hilton’s skank been? The A.C. it is.
Aubade v. La Perla
Please, have you ever seen a La Perla ad? Grrrrrr
Bardot v. Loren
No contest. Sophia Loren, age 71, posed for this year’s Pirelli calendar
Kir Royale v. Bellini
Damn, I hate peaches. France’s creme de cassis and bubbles wins.
1969 Citroen DS20 Decouvrable v. 1970 Bertone Stratos O
The Citroen looks like it purrs and the Bertone? I want to feed it my garbage and go back in time to meet James Coburn.
Paris v. Rome
Le Tour Eiffel, le Metro, extensive history of miscreant ex-pats, Paris is it. And cuz Rome isn’t even my favorite city in Italy.
Gerard Depardieu v. Roberto Benigni
Gerard is way cooler (not counting his American flicks) and Benigni is one of the most annoying men on the planet.
Sauternes v. Vin Santo
Next to the infinitely varied nutty, baked, figgy freak that is vin santo, Sauternes has always been a one trick pony to me.
Frangipane v. Marzipan
One time? I ate so many Sicilian marzipan fruit I made myself sick. But frangipane is usually warm and surrounded by puff pastry…winner!
Salad Nicoise v. Ensalata Caprese
Mozz, basil, and tomato is my holy troika. Plus, the Nicoise doesn’t even have cheese.
Jambon v. Prosciutto
Pig is good. But cured pig is reeeeeeal good. Since Prosciutto is usually more cured than Jambon, it must be gooder.
Café Pressé v. Capuccino
The french can cook. But they can’t brew for shit, mmm, Kay?
Based on this play by play, Italy wins 11 to 6. Well, probably more like 3-0.
July 6th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
awesome!
July 6th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
baguettes! baguettes! baguettes! You forgot to compare French and Italian men. I am forwarding this to my soccer friends, hilarious.
July 6th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
I think this is the funniest wineblog post I have read! Bravo.
July 7th, 2006 at 12:28 am
genius, maggie… genius. *thumbsup x2*
July 8th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
I’m interested too in the italian/french male compare thing :-p
July 10th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
fucking HIGH-larious.
so, who wins the garcons or the huomos?
July 11th, 2006 at 10:27 am
Finally, someone who understands the true nature of European football. And I vote for Italian men, personally. I’d rather have more macho than not enough.
July 11th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
feemo and all - Not much experience with French men. One thing I can say for Italian men, overly macho or no, self-control problem with hair products or no, they sure know how to make a girl feel special. Eh hem, especially American girls alone on vacation. Am I right, ladies? Hello! You thought we were going there to find ourselves? si, vale la pene visitar Italia. Er, I mean pena. How often they are interchangable.
July 14th, 2006 at 12:04 am
That’s gotta be one of the funniest things I have ever read.
Regards!