I’m a big fan of brevity, probably why Twitter suits me so well. Here: Paul Ford’s 1000+ 6-word reviews of songs by bands attending SXSW. I don’t really care about most of these bands, but the sheer number of bon mots in this little document is worth a scan. For example:

“Finally, Swedish bluegrass I can believe in”
“Starts cool, but sprouts baseball cap”
“Zippy, but also somewhat date-rapey”
“His positive vibrations cannot penetrate me.”
“Handclaps, guitars, singing, etc, etc, Canada”

Awesome. The list also connects to each mp3, which serves to show Ford highly accurate in his assessments. Bonus charts and graphs pepper the list, and I can barely stand how hilariously obsessive it all is… I think I have my new challenge for GABF this year.

Let’s see…what did I drink this week:

Quattro Mani Toh-kai - Vernal bright, nutty, Cameo apple, restorative
Big Al’s Trippel - Beer candy in a good way
Han Soju - If vodka weren’t boring…Sake—>amped

(Thank you to Billie for sending, and yes, Hemingway still takes it.)

Garbage in, garbage out, right? Well… Often times I’m opening a bottle of wine in the beginning of the week to review or sample for a client. By the time I want to drink wine, like tonight, that bottle is shite. This bottle was a very lovely tart, surly thing to begin with; so past its prime it’s down right rude.

If I wanted to make like a Spanish teenager, I’d just add some brandy and Sprite and call it a day, but I want to make something better than what I’d chug out of a 1-liter in the plaza. If you stock your fridge and bar with just a few choice items, you can revive even the nastiest bottle of wine. My closest thing to a recipe tonight:

An almost full bottle of tart white wine
A healthy shot of Drambuie
4 ounces homemade spicy chai
A few dashes of orange flower water
1/2 ounce of homemade orgeat syrup
Splash of lime juice

At the last minute I topped each glass off with bubbly, but you could use sparkling water or lemon lime soda. You could add more brandy, too. I mix everything in a growler so I can spin it around, try it, and add more of what I think is missing–be it sweet, sour, or oomph. The result tonight was an insanely aromatic wine-like substance along the lines of a sweet, white vermouth. Shitfire I think I just found my calling in life.

On to the rock show.

But this one I wrote for the Seattle Weekly go re-run for the dreaded V-Day and picked up by Digg. There are over 300 comments. Judging by the woman-hating comments by spurned males on already on the SW site, I’m afraid to look.

So You Want to Hit on the Bartender

I was a hobbit in a past life, I know it. If you can picture it in a tankard, I probably love it. Belgians, strong ales, and especially barleywine. Ages quicker and better than wine the same price, I can’t understand why it’s not the biggest thing since sliced bread.

Barley Wines Offer a Safer Bet Than Stocks
And pay better dividends
in this issue of the Seattle Weekly

The perfect vacation, driving through the French countryside, stopping at the little mere et pere farms and wineries along the way, seeing how the pastoral half lives…

This is the daydream of France that exists in the minds of many AMericans, a dream in perilous danger amidst the modernization of France and the shunning of traditionalists in favor of the “internationally acclaimed” Frankenberry wines championed and engineered by ridiculous 100-point scores, corpulent consultants, and the pursuit of the richest among the lowest common denominator of wine drinkers.

Robert Camuto moved to the south of France 12 years ago and examines the dichotomy of the current French wine world through the eyes of the hold outs, the romantics, and the defeated in his new book Corkscrewed.

In America, Wine Is Just a Piece of Meat
It’s not holding up much better in France
in this issue of the Seattle Weekly

There’s generally not enough hot toddying going on in this world, also includes an ode to Harvey’s Buttered Rum Mix, straight outta Bremerton.

Six More Weeks of Winter Drinks
in this issue of the Seattle Weekly

A craft brewing pioneer carves out a niche in downtown Bellingham…

Kemper’s Still Got It at Chuckanut
in this issue of the Seattle Weekly

Brown liquor has gotten more than it’s due these last few years, but I’m really excited to see more and more bars let tequila take the stage on their drink menus… Combined with everything from hibiscus syrups and sherry(awesome) to persimmon (weird) and orange flower water. I prefer messing around with tamarind.

Starting Over With Tequila: A Post College Primer
in this issue of the Seattle Weekly

Absolutely nothing.

Reviving Three Classics From Grandma’s Liquor Cabinet
in this issue of the Seattle Weekly

In a small warehouse space barely big enough to detail an automobile, somebody’s making some domestic gin of great intrigue and chasing it with plans for an absinthe. I like this new trend. I guess Washington state finally figured that they have so many meth labs to deal with, what harm could come from some nerds with a few stills? Another chip in the wall of Puritanical tyranny that is the WSLCB.

And Then There Were Two
in this issue of the Seattle Weekly